1/12/25

First of all, congratulations!!!

Whether you are expecting your first baby, or second or third or fourth or more, each time you have a baby, you are a new mama! Sometimes people will say things like, “oh, it’s not your first rodeo.” Well, actually it is in certain ways. Each baby is different, and additionally, each pregnancy and birth experience is different too. There are so many variables at play each time. Your symptoms from one pregnancy to the next can be completely different, like night and day. And birth itself is of course, unpredictable, but don’t take that in a negative way. Birth can be one of the most beautiful and empowering experiences of your life with some education and the right support system. I will soon post my advice on having a natural birth, if that’s something that calls to you.

After having a baby, you will dive head first into full-time newborn care. And if you have other children at home, this can be extra intense on you. You may feel like you are being pulled in 100 different directions, from your partner, children, pets if you have any, and your precious sweet as sugar newborn baby. I don’t want to insist that no one else matters because that is not the case, but… Your newborn needs your immediate attention more than anyone or anything else right now. I’m going to focus on how to achieve self-care and some balance for you as a new mommy, but if you want to read more about caring for a newborn with a toddler in tow, click here for my article on juggling your baby and toddler. You can do this!

Your newborn baby will sleep for about 12-17 hours per day, and these may be in tiny spurts anywhere from 20 minutes to 50 minutes long! My first baby slept closer to 14 hours per day, and my second baby slept around 18 hours per day as a newborn. Every baby is different. In those first few weeks with your baby, you will very likely be in the post-partum fog… For me, both of my baby’s births were followed by a period of about 2 weeks where everything was very foggy! For me, my mind was so focused on teaching the baby to breastfeed, ensuring to change his diapers constantly (they poop ALLOT), and the pain down yonder was pretty distracting as well, in addition to my post-partum hormone drop and extreme moodiness. In fact, due to my hormone dip, which is a normal part of the process, I spent quite a bit of time being teary-eyed and crying. At times I would cry of happiness while adoring the miracle I grew inside of me, and other times I would cry tears of sadness, often not understanding at all why I was sad. That’s normal too for the first few weeks.

If you have a support network, whether it be your mom, mother-in-law, grandma, aunts, friends or neighbors, please do lean on them during this time. If someone offers you help and you can trust them, accept the help. That’s my advice. When i had my first baby, i didn’t accept the help offered to me. I suppose because of how we are conditioned to operate as adults, I felt like I was supposed to do it all on my own. Fortunately, I had the support of my partner, but I do wish I accepted more help that was offered to me from others. As time went on, I slowly began to accept more help and it really helped me mentally. This was a few months after my baby was born. My friend actually had her mom stay with her and her husband for 2 weeks after she gave birth! Her mom helped with nighttime wakings, bathing the baby, cleaning the home and caring for their puppy. I think this is an amazing idea, and those who can experience that are very lucky. I do wish more women knew deep in their bones that we aren’t meant to do this alone. But unfortunately many elder women enforce the idea that we are okay, and don’t need help. But we do… And that’s nothing to be ashamed of. We need our villages back.

Now, if you’re able to secure supports that can help you achieve some self-care practices, here is a list of some recommended ways to take care of you, mama:

1. Breathe

Take deep breaths. When you feel overwhelmed, as we all do sometimes, stop what you’re doing and take a big breath in…and slowly exhale. For most of my life I’ve struggled with holding my breath when feeling distress or a sense of overwhelm. Try to breathe. Breathe in, breathe out. Smell the flowers, and blow out the candle.

2. Read

It may sound simple, but reading a hardcopy book is so good for your brain. It may be tempting to scroll mindlessly on our cellphones, but if you’re like me at all, it may actually make you feel awful or drained afterward. Flipping through the pages of a book is a good way to disconnect electronically too.

3. Revamp your bathroom routine

I got this advice from a friend of mine and implemented it, and it has made a huge impact on me emotionally! I felt like I was neglecting myself. I was forgetting to brush my teeth, and clip my nails, and forget about me doing a facial. Now i can do all of those things. Here is her advice:

Pick a night, once per week, and make sure your partner or another person can help you with taking the baby off of your hands during that hour. Make a list of everything you want to achieve during that 1 hr block. Examples can be: Apply self tanner, oil pulling, apply a facial, shave your legs, take a bubble bath, tweeze your eyebrows, trim/paint your nails, dry brushing your skin, oil-pulling for dental health, put in heatless curlers for beautiful hair the next day. This sounds like quite a lot, and that’s the point! As women, we are often conditioned to do these things, and it can make us feel really good when we get them done. Of course if you only want to do a couple of them, that’s fine too! The ones on my list are: Take an epsom salt bath, tweeze eyebrows, clip nails, shave legs, and apply self tanner. Now, make a basket of everything you need for your weekly self-care hour. This is what mine looks like currently.

Don’t neglect your weekly hour! Your partner might be tired, but hold them to it. Remind them that this is an established agreement between the two of you, and it’s very important for you to have these moments.

4. Take a drive

If you have a vehicle, put your baby in the carseat and go for a short drive, for 30 minutes or less when they’re a newborn. They shouldn’t be in the carseat for longer than that at a time in the first few weeks. I HIGHLY recommend this baby car camera here which shows you live video of your baby in their carseat. I was resistant to this product at first, but my sister bought me one and, WOW! It’s actually life changing. It’s also the cutest “movie” i’ve ever seen in my life. I get to watch my baby and toddler move and make sure they’re okay and, it’s amazing. Highly recommend.

So yes, take that drive, grab yourself a Starbucks or a Dunkin Donuts drink, and just relax. Play some music that you enjoy, but at a volume that won’t disturb baby too much. Notice the trees as you drive by. And if you go at sunset, you can see the beautiful cotton candy sky before it turns dark. That is my favorite time to be on the road. If baby isn’t a huge fan of the car, you can attach a sound machine like this one to their car seat handle to hopefully keep them as ease.

5. Take a walk outside

Spending time in nature is so important for our physical and mental health. Recent generations are spending more time indoors, but this can change! I want my children to embrace nature, and to value time outside over time indoors watching TV or playing games on a screen. It all starts with you. Remember the value of fresh air and sunshine. Remember that we are one with the earth. She is our friend, our home.

After having my first baby, I took him for walks 1-2 times per day, no matter the weather. I used the Boba wrap baby carrier which you can find here and it was a LIFESAVER for me. My baby was colicky, and the wrap calmed him down instantly. I carried him for hours in it every day. Not to mention, it helped me get things done while having our baby cuddles, and kept my baby close and secure while walking outside. It’s less convenient to put on than the “clippy” carriers (what I call them) but if you prefer a carrier that’s more simple to put on, I have this one and use it frequently to this day as well. It’s more expensive than the Boba wrap but very convenient!

While your baby is very young and not yet crawling, is the PERFECT time to take baby to the park for picnics! Or, if you have a safe place outside your home or elsewhere, put down a blanket, lay in the sunshine, (bring an umbrella or mini pop-up tent to shade the baby) and breathe in the fresh air. I love doing this at my parent’s home when I visit, because they can be my eyes to keep us safe. Listen to the birds chirping, the trees dancing in the wind, and the sound of those nearby. I recommend this to everyone I know who has a new baby. Just don’t fall asleep, of course. This is easiest with your first baby, and trust me when I say, you want to do this. It will be a core memory for you. Their babyhood is your mommyhood. And once they start moving, things change, a lot. So enjoy this time, as it is so so precious. It can be heaven, really.

6. Talk to someone

If you start to feel overwhelmed, which is normal at first, but it becomes longlasting and you find no joy or happy moments, it is time to reach out to someone. You can reach out to your OB, midwife, or even PCP. Tell them what you’re experiencing and if they have anyone you can be referred to for counseling or therapy. Please don’t feel ashamed. We all need someone to talk to, and if you meet someone and it’s not a right fit, you can ask to talk to someone else. There are also virtual options, too, like BetterHelp. You can also stop seeing them if you start to feel better, but postpartum anxiety and depression is a real thing and there are resources to help you. You can do this!

PS: As an Amazon Affiliate I may receive commission when you click on the links in this post.